I decided it would be a good idea to watch 2 movies, back to back, mind you, that are romantic comedies. Both start out with incredibly good looking lead characters that are completely repulsed by each other or are considered way out of his/her league.
By the end of the movie, said characters have found their soul mate and they live happily ever after. Literally wearing the cutest clothing and engaging the world’s best kiss in front of a fire place, on a baseball field or next to the ocean.
Here I am, a 47 year old woman, wondering why my high school years and early 20’s did not mimic or even remotely resemble that kind of life. As I was watching I was, 100%, transported back to 1988. Oh how I wanted to be wanted like that. Kissed like that. DRESSED like that.
Then it dawned on me. The reason that didn’t happen to me? IT’S NOT REAL! It didn’t nor does it happen to anyone. At least not like that. Movies and books were the social media of its time. It gave me a highlight reel to compare my life to. As boring and mundane as it was. And guess what. I lost. Every time.
Things haven’t changed, have they? We still compare. We still use social media as a measuring stick of success in all areas. We still long for the fairy tale.
As I approach 2019, I want to be very aware of what I am leaving behind, grateful for what it taught me and looking forward to areas of my life that I can purposefully be exceptional in. I’ve come up with a list of thoughts, behaviors and actions I have embraced but will be quite content to leave in 2018;
Comparison. We’ve all heard this but comparison is the thief of joy and creativity. I was constantly measuring myself up. And here’s the thing. I fell short. I didn’t know that I needed to stay in my own lane. Celebrate my successes and work on the areas I wanted to improve in, not the areas in which I wanted to look like, act like, or work like someone else.
Hustle. You might have already seen a couple of posts that relate to how I want to halt the hustle. Hustling for worthiness, hustling for a promotion, hustling for attention. The list goes on. In the end, I’m depleted of energy and burned out. There’s a time and place for ambition and hard work. However, the go go go culture in which we live romanticizes this kind lifestyle. It seems to be unique to Americans. We take less time off and put in more hours at work than many other countries. This means less time to rest, reflect and spend with the people we love.
Distraction. Sigh. I’m guilty. With our devices constantly in our faces, it makes it next to impossible to be present with our families, and those who really deserve our presence. Herbert A. Simon said “A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.” This not only exists within relationships but also with our work at hand and anything that we want to do creatively. For me, I want to put my phone down and pick up a conversation and connect with another human.
Finances Ah, the taboo subject. Unless you are awash in cash, no one really wants to talk about it. To be frank, I held the mindset of fear and scarcity around it instead of viewing it as a tool. A tool to get what we NEED. Don’t get me wrong, there are a ton of things I want, but with an intentional plan, I can have those things and experiences. Resentment and frustration are real, but fear is what backs them up. Fear of not getting what I want or losing what I already have. Honestly, it’s hard to make good decisions coming from a fight or flight response. I now know to relax. Adjust my mindset and let go of the fear. Then, I’m in a much better space to make financial decisions. More to come on this front but this plays right into the hustle mentality I was discussing earlier.
This year, in order to help you more, I decided to purposefully select a word to guide 2019. This word doesn’t tell me what to do nor does it mean that I will become it. POOF!
The word I chose was “exceptional”. According to the dictionary, It means, unusually good; outstanding. Already it is guiding decisions I have made. Down to the smallest decisions. This is not a perfection attitude, mind you.
For me, my personality tends to tempt me to do things fast, by the seat of my pants, and quite possibly cut corners. When I know that I have given something my best, followed-through and seen something to completion, I sleep better. It also gives me direction on where to improve instead of wondering what the outcome would have been if I had only stayed the path.
P.S. I used Christine Kane’s Word of the Year exercise and it really helped me narrow down just what I wanted to focus on this year. Here is the link! A free downloadable guide.
What are you leaving behind this year? I’d love to know!
Cheers!
Happy New Year!